英文搞笑幽默的个性签名
1、Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
不用和傻瓜吵架，因为他会把你的智商拉到跟他的水平，然后再用丰富的经验打败你。
2、Evening news is where they begin with ?Good evening?, and then proceed to tell you why it isn?t.
晚间新闻总是以“晚上好”开头，再告诉你为什么好不了。
3、Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
海豚可聪明了，你晓得不?只需驯养几个星期，他们就能让人类乖乖站在池边给它们扔鱼吃了。
4、Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
孩子定义：你先花2年教他们走路和说话，然后你再花16年叫他们坐定和闭嘴。
5、It?s not the fall that kills you; it?s the sudden stop at the end.
跳楼的时候，“啊~~“的时候还没死，”啪!“那才是死了。
6、Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
绝对不要和长得丑的争执，他们已经没什么可输的了‘
7、A little boy asked his father , ”Daddy, how mach dose it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don?t know son, I?m still paying.”
一单纯傻儿子问他爹：“爸，结婚到底要付出多大代价?” 他爸说：“儿啊，我真不知道、、、、我还在偿付呢。
8、If at first you don?t succeed, try again … unless you fail at skydiving.
如果一次不成功，别放弃，再试一次、、、、、除非你在跳伞。
9、A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
你赶不上的巴士永远比你赶上的巴士跑得快两倍。
10、It is said that 90% of the things we worry about will never happen, and the other 10% can be managed. So why do we worry, and what is there to worry about?
据说我们所担心的事90%都不会发生，而剩下的10%又完全可以解决。所以，我们为什么要担心呢?又有什么值得担心的呢?
11、I keep the telephone of my mind open to peace, harmony, health and love. Then, whenever doubt, anxiety or fear try to call me, they keep getting a busy signal – and soon they?ll forget my number.
我的“心灵电话”是为祥和、健康和博爱而设。每当怀疑、焦虑和恐惧试图和我联系时，电话总是在占线，所以很快它们就忘了我的号码
12、If you see ten troubles coming down the road, you can be sure that nine will run into the ditch before they reach you.
如果你看到麻烦从路上向你走来，有一点可以确定，在触到你以前，它们十有八九会滚进路边的沟。
